If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
