ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
