YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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