I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
