is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
