I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
