i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
