i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
