I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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