I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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