Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Found the puke drawer
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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