Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
