Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
