when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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