What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
