If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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