Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
