You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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