Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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