Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
