Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
