redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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