I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
