She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
