He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
