dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
