Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
