Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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