They should really pass out barf bags in church
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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