she takes plan B like it's going out of style
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize