What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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