She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
