He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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