I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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