Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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