Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
