He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
