just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
