i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
