she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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