but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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