Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
