A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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