This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
