false alarm. still invincible.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
