The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
