oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
