Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
