I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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