im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
