I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
