i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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