this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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