My balls are so social today.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
