Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
