I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
this beer tastes like vomit already
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
