I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
