And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
