haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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