I faked an abortion last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
