i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
