Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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