i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
