I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
