At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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